Early Morning...

Dear All,

Now is 9.34am, I shouldnt be blogging right now but working.... concentrating on my work...I just need to vent my thoughts somewhere. This is the only place I can do it.

I realise all the people ard me...My friends...having mood swing recently...I dunno what is happening..I am included in the list as well...

I am feeling moody...I dunno why...I cant help it..I am a happy-go-lucky person...I can be happy most of the time...but recently..I can see dark clouds...I can sense depression coming back to me again...I am still feeling happy but 3/4 of my time, will be dreaming. I am becoming more quiet...I have less smile on my face. I cant control such awful feeling drowning down on me.

I kept questioning mysef...What am I lacking? Is Love, Money or what? I know what are u all going to tell me, I should be happy cos I have a great family and a bunch of fun-loving friends who stand by me. I am fully aware of that and I can really feel all the love, care and concern around me...But this is something that u cannot control and I guess I call it as "depression"

Have U ever felt like this before? U cant concentrate, u are losing focus...U dunno what u want and u cant detect what is wrong with ur heart and mind....U cant smile, u lose ur laughter, U just dun feel like talking and U wish everyone will just stay away from u. U just feel like hiding in a corner in an empty room, without noise, without disturbance, no one can hurt u, no one can bother u....Just be alone....so alone...

Anyway, people, don't have to worry bout me, I been thru this stage dozens and millions of times...I am alright...The longest record I have is for 2 years...I was on drugs...sleeping pills during that period. I felt so good being "lost" cos I dun have to think bout anything..(That's why I have so freaking poor memory but then...blur is not the cause of it hor) I finally snapped out of this stupid actions when I move home.

When I got home after leaving for 2 years without any news ditching my parents behind worried sick...The first thing that my mummy said with a smiling cheerful face when she saw me was: "Eh, u back le, what u feel like having for dinner tonight? I got cook ur favourite food"

I am more concern bout the people ard me...I wish and pray that they will feel better and happy...I put my friends and family above myself, I know no words can express what i felt towards them but I am someone who cherish friends and family alot...

TO: All my friends around me, I do hope all of U will be happy, no matter what. I cant do much to be there by ur side but I want u to know, I am just that simple someone who is just passing by ur life so as to be there when u need me.

Ok...I feel better after coming back after a smoke break. I think i will change my job soon. I am still wondering whether I should change since I love my company soooooo much and even thinking bout leaving just will make me cry...I just need a change of environment...a new start....a new life.. (Got Lobang boh?)

Sorry hor people, early morning make u all -_- but hey, u all love me one, right? I am going to meet up my dear Miss Elaine tonight, same place...Cineleisure, Long john(cut cost...cut cost) for erm...heart to heart talk session and bitching...of course...I am looking very forward to it...(I hope that we can find seats tonight)

cheers,
Always full of love & thoughts,
Apple