Lesson 1: All About PMS
Hi all...today i decide to have a lesson on "Lai Ang" Or PMS...I feel that guys need to know bout these and after doing all the research, i decided to tell u all (more for guys) what is is about PMS and how to survive during this period...Lai Lai Lai...Let Miss Lim teach u....
Miss Lim
If u dunno what is "Lai Ang" Pls check it out below....and guys, PMS does not strike while a woman has her period. The P stands for PRE-menstrual syndrome me tell the the syntomps first...
IRRITABILITY : Roughly 7 -10 days prior to the onset of our actual period, a mixture of gunpowder and buckshot is released into our bloodstream, causing us to "shoot our mouths" off at the slightest provocation. It may not seem fair, but your simple request for us to "Pass the ketchup" may lead to your untimely verbal demise. Play it safe and either get it yourself or eat your hamburger plain.
BLOATING : This is a real, physiological phenomenon whereby women suck in all humidity within a 5 mile radius of their bodies. Overnight, our clothes do not fit, we are uncomfortable. Any attempts at reassuring us that "you look fine" make you an easy target (see Irritability).
CRAMPS : Rare is the women who does not experience some degree of discomfort during her period. While the lucky majority may control it with either aspirin, ibuprofen or Margaritas, many women are subjected to such intense sensations that they simply cannot function several days a month. For you to better understand, lie down and place three baseballs down the front of your pants. Now employ a child to walk upon them. Those are mild cramps. To replicate severe cramping using the same baseballs, have an overweight friend perform Lord of the Dance on them.
MOOD SWINGS: Perhaps the most telling reason for my husband's Please Make Sense label, is the monthly fluctuation in a woman's hormone levels. Causing us to swing from caring, angelic devoted Madonnas to crazed, psychopathic B-movie She-devils within the blink of an eye, do not be surprised when we utter something along the lines of, "Rub my back, DON'T TOUCH ME!, I love you, LEAVE ME ALONE!, hold me, YOU IDIOT !", all in the same breath. Best strategy? As you would do when facing a rabid dog, simply back slowly away.
Below are some guidelines...
1. Never say "oh, don't worry love, I know it's that time". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! FUCK U!!!
2. Learn when to stay around, learn when to disappear. PMS is strange, if my boyfriend's around, there are times when I simply cannot stand it. It's like the sheer fact that I'm incredibly bad-tempered and he is not makes me even more bad-tempered! And him being understanding towards me while I'm being bad-tempered makes me feel guilty which just increases my feelings of annoyance! At such a time I kindly ask him to leave the house. Now, that may seem incredibly bossy of me, but again, it means he doesn't get shouted at for now and he gets to go off and have a night out with the boys and all are happy. If you feel "why should I have to leave for a few hours, what have I done anyway?" think of it this way - she's about to spend a week bleeding, you'd be fairly cranky also at the thought of it, and it would be kind to give her some space!!
3. Accept you can't do anything right, don't try to be Mr. Super Helpful or you'll be disappointed. Save your "helping at home" bursts for another time when it will be really appreciated - this is not a time to be trying for brownie points. If you go into housework overdrive at this time you're quite likely to get a "oh, I suppose you think you're great now do you, and anyway, you've left a dirty cup beside the sofa, and, NO, I'll just wash it MYSELF thank you, I do it 90% of the time anyway"!! Pick a non-PMS time and you're more likely to get a hug and a "thanks honey!". So be wise...Remember, no matter WHAT you do right now it's probably not gonna help the situation.
4. If you hear on the grapevine of something which has helped another woman over her PMS don't tell your woman about it while she has PMS. Wait until after she's over it. While she is having PMS she will listen to your advice but by the time the message reaches her brain she will have translated it into "Other women can handle it so why can't you?" - which obviously is entering dangerous territory!
Some Dos And Don'ts Also...
DO consult the calendar and learn when to expect the onset of our symptoms. This simple effort will insure you never again make the deadly mistake of asking, "What's wrong?". DO keep a special supply of both Hershey's Kisses and chocolate chip cookie dough within reach. Much like an angry animal, we may be calmed with treats.
DO NOT play bomb squad. A man's inherent reaction is to "fix" things. I guarantee you will cut the wrong wire and they will find pieces of you five counties away. DO NOT , even jokingly, use the nicknames we women give to our periods. Aunt Flo, Monthly Visitor, Special Friend . . . off limits to anyone not containing ovaries at birth.
DO NOT attempt to placate a woman by telling her how "miraculous" or "beautiful" is the whole menstrual process. We all learned early on what an inconvenient load of crap it is to leak on a monthly basis.
And finally, for the entire duration of both PMS and period, DO NOT breathe.
For the ladies to get prepared also...
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to everything...ur noodles, rice, even pau....
3. The washing machine has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your bf or partner is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You have the urge to answer every call and scold them "fuck u...why u screwing my life!!"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to "Beat-me-leh-face".
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. U suddenly think that "fuck u" "bloody hell" "asshole" are some very useful and beautiful words...
Guys...if u still cannot survive with all these tips...try getting.....
THE......
*drum roll*
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